Someone shit on the floor
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
