My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
