i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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