Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
