Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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