After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize