i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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