morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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