i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
