just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
