Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
