I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My life is pants optional.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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