oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
