I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
