if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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