found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize