was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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