my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm at about main and main street
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize