Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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