I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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