when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
