Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize