Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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