Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
