Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
