New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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