Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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