Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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