i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
