She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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