in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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