Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
