The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize