you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
