Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
