hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
