phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize