You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
