My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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