I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you will always have a special place in my vag
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Randomize
