Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
