ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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