Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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