Umm I'm too high to move.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
