Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
