my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I party with great urgency now.
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