My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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