she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
