At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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