It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
