He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
