It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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