He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
