I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
