I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
These tits shall not be calmed
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