I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
