Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
