Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am naked and annoyed.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
