i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
