remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
