im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize