Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
