so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
