i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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