she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
