Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
