He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize