his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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