we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
