During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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