but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
