her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
