Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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