dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize